Je Défende

I don't pretend to be Émile Zola. Neither do I attempt to defend the indefensible. Here goes

 Anyone who thinks Top Gear is a car programme is sadly deluded. It's barely a magazine programme, pushing into almost a pastiche of itself. Gone are the halcyon days of William Woolard actually testing cars. It's entered the Harry Enfield "comedy scousers" territory. I don't want to get all Martin Niemöller  about it. Jeremy Clarkson is a very intelligent man. For many years he has had a go at women, gypsies, lorry drivers ("change gear, murder prostitute"), but this week, he appears to have tackled cyclists, with some less than pithy comments about paying road tax, an area so done to death I'll just give this link. The Mexican stereotype comment brings the usual silliness followed by people bolstering their careers by writing biting comments to the Guardian who are foolish enough to print it. Steve Coogan, I'm looking at YOU

My credentials. I've cycled ever since I was little. I have commuted for many years on a bike. My current commute is 100+ miles a week in winter (and a little further in summer). I use my bike for journeys up to 20 miles where I don't have to carry more than fits in a pannier or two. I rarely drive and when I do it's because I have to cover distances or take passengers. Whilst on the bike I've been knocked off, fallen off, been sent sprawling across bonnets, had other cyclists pull out on me, had people stop their cars in front of me and shout at me, cut me up, squeeze me into kerbs.

As a cyclist I wouldn't advocate any action against Clarkson and the rest of the Top Gear triumvirate, for this one reason:

If you believe that knocking a cyclist off his bike because of what Clarkson (or anyone else) said, 
you need to take a long hard look at your life. 

In the same way I wouldn't advocate banning horror films. If you think watching Slasher 47 or playing Grand Theft Auto is going to make someone recreate these scenes in the Home Counties then again, that person needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

During my time I've gone from actively fighting back to a cheery wave and calm argument. "You held me up for 1/4 mile. That's why I had to cut you up" (this was from a 50+ Mercedes driver with a broken taillight) I followed with a bit of maths as to how much time I'd delayed him for (22.5 seconds) "and really, did you HAVE to cut me up?".

Now the good news: most road users are good. Cyclists, cars, even lorries. Last week a bus driver from Go Whippet stayed behind me through a village where it was impossible to overtake. When it was safe to do he gave me a hugely wide berth and when I signalled my thanks, he waved back. It's not isolated and it helps.

• Cyclists have a part to play in this. You can't stop those who think 
• Bikes have no place on a road
  Bikes must always give way to cars, even though the car is behind 
• Bikes hold up cars
• I am more important than everyone else.

However what you can do to help me (because when I get cut up, I suddenly become ALL CYCLISTS and every misdemenour you make will be used against me as an excuse to perform some crackpot manouever all for the sake of 20 seconds of his life, or the rest of mine) is this

1. If it's dark, use adequate lights
2. Follow the rules of the road. We're not in Spain, red lights aren't advisories.
3. Watch out for pedestrians, children, animals. They can all make sudden movements
4. Read http://www.cyclecraft.co.uk/ and learn how to ride assertively.
5. Be courteous and polite to other road users. Signal good behaviour.
6. Be part of the traffic. Understand what's happening around you
7. Think ahead. Second guess the traffic ahead
8. Keep far enough away from car doors that if one opens, you're not going to hospital
9. Grin like a bastard
10. Enjoy yourself. You know you want to