How to survive New Year's Eve and come up smelling of Roses.

Let's get this straight, I may PRETEND to be a curmudgeon, but really I'm not.

I'm not, though a fan of "organised fun" and I'm not a fan of New Year's Eve. There's a reason. I do find it hard to enjoy a night out "because it's New Year's Eve, and therefore it's FUN." No it's not.

So, it's New Year's Eve. It's Winter. Just. It's cold and it's wet (usually). If you plan on going there you have to cycle (not a problem) or stay over as there's no public transport and if you want a taxi you need to book decades ahead, give them your firstborn and, if they don't turn up at the right time, there's no Plan B.

Before Millennium night, there was the opportunity of a pub. Yes, there was a door charge, tickets in advance. Then Millennium came and the pubs got greedy. "£50 a ticket with a free glass of champagne", to which people rightly said "No, no thanks. We're not stupid" and so now the pubs in Cambridge stay resolutely closed in a fit of pique.

Millennium night, Cambridge had fireworks and a fair and other bits and pieces on Parker's Piece. I'm not sure if they will again, but even so, it's like Bonfire Night. If it's cold and wet, forget it. I'd rather be inside in the warmth. Summer In The City that's a whole new idea. I'm up if it's warm and dry.

So, that's what I won't do. What will I do? If the past has anything to go by, I'll be tuning into TVE (Television Espana), with my plate of twelve grapes. At 23h I'll eat my grapes, one for each bong, and I may have a glass or two of something fizzy. After which I'll watch a bit of their New Year tv (which goes on to 5am) which far exceeds anything we can muster, turn my phone onto silent and have an early night to wake up the next morning refreshed, smelling of roses. Well, maybe not roses, but at least refreshed.

Don't knock it until you try it.