Elmden TOIL

The actual ride and its epic mountainness is documented  here

This is the pretty pictures bit.

The ride started heading out Madingley road, taking in the misnamed Madingly Rise, a muur of a hill before heading into the nasty headwind


Following the villages through Barton and Haslingfield (watching out for baby hedgehogs, of which I saw non. Boo)

befure heading up Chapel Hill, another epic 50m of climb affording me this view into Hertfordshire A side trip to the Millennium Meridian marker (very similar to the one near Bourn)

and back into Melbourn (without the e and not in Australia). It's a bit rural!

Ever south and into Herfordshire through Barley before a left turn brought me to a surprise windmill in Great Chishall.

It's a post windmill. Not sure why it has the rear vane on it as the idea is that it's manually rotated into the wind on a post (as opposed to a tower where the top of the windmill rotates based on the tail rotor.

It's around this point I hit the heady elevation of 141m. In reality the hills as they were, were sharp and nasty. Yes I even dropped to 2mph at one point and dabbed once. However what did for me was the diesel and water on filthy roads. So much so that in Arkesden, 34 miles in my front wheel just went, I did 10 yards on my helmet before slamming onto my back. Fortunately no witnesses. The main reason for this ride was to make it up Elmden, Essex Hill, part of the London to Cambridge bikeride, run by Bike Events this year on 22 July. It's always been the sting in the tail. Turns out it's quite the sweetie compared to some of the other routes.


A quick run across the M11 to Ickleton, Sawston bypass and onto the DNA Path or NCN11 for the dullards. Here's the art

Obligatory helmet shot. Insert your own jokes. And sympathy. And cake

Did anyone pack your bag for you?

A Wednesday night in a hotel in an industrial park in Delhi. It's 21h00. Three British engineers in a bar in Delhi. It sounds like a joke. A Scot, an Englishman living in Scotland for so long he's got the accent and me. A gentle beer or two and peanuts. The usual chitchat.

In walks Christine; a tiny American of Korean extract I'd spoken to at the bar the previous night. It's her last night before she heads home. Just a quick beer to be polite before she heads home, her flight at 03h00, taxi booked for 0h15.

22h comes and goes and the beer and chat carry on. Nothing consequential, just really good company. 23h comes and goes and I'm sure she has it all in hand. All until the double Jack Daniels and coke come out. Not me, I'm not daft. But the other three are polishing them off like nothing. By midnight, it's time to step up. The boys have had 7 each, she's had 11. The only hint that she's been on the pop is she's fairly relaxed about her flight.

"Better get you packed" someone suggests, so the four of us pile into her room. "Want something from the mini-bar?" she says. She's not packing. So two of us start emptying her room into her cavernous suitcase. Makeup, clothes, lingerie. Then the phone rings "Shh, it's my husband". The three of us are looking at each other trying not to snigger. A number of apologetic excuses, yes, you can tell she's fairly gone.

Converse recovered from the suitcase we finally pour it and her into a taxi. She just emailed me saying she slept the whole trip to Frankfurt. At her next transfer in the US she was asked "Did anyone pack your bag for you?"

Over Windmill in action

30 Days Of biking

For Mark

Caught on Camera....

WOTW

Wiggle it, just a little bit

Mark arranged to meet me at 8am in Histon  at 7.00 last Sunday.  i got a text saying he was 30 minutes away (he started in Eastbourne)  last minute rush, bolt my coffee in time for Mark to pick me up  in his "Granddad car"  and we made good time to Huntingdon. We were directed into the station car park (free) where we got our stuff together. At 10C but with a fair stiff breeze 80 miles was going to be a challenge.

We headed onto the road towards registration, all well signed. Registration was in the school hall. The area had been transformed with pagodas from Wiggle and a Sat Nav firm. It had the feel of an "athelete's village". I must have looked the village idiot. After registering in the hall, almost smoothly, I received my timing chip, voucher for free coffee and my number and we rode to the start.

Although there were up to 1000 riders expected the queue at the start banner was short and we were away in the second batch. Pace was gentle as we headed through the outskirts of Huntingon towards Grafham. Very quickly the road narrowed and the traffic almost disappeared. This proved the story of the day.

Following the infamous white arrows on red background, the roads wound around Grafham Water and Bedford airfield. The road changed direction often enough for the effects of the wind to be mitigated without being too frequent.

The first stop at about 25 miles had (free) peanut butter sandwiches (smooth, never mind) cake, lovely flapjacks, bananas, a gel and bucketloads (literally) of Hi5. We took on fuel (including a pocket full of jelly beans) and admired the bike porn.

At the split we took the epic route and the pace picked up a little. There were a few riders strung out on the route. We passed some, more than some passed us. Mark very kindly stuck with me even though he could have picked up a chain gang. Poor man had to occupy himself doing bunny hops on road bridges.

Status Quo: Mark relaxed, me fighting to keep up

Thr route was mostly undulating, and as the road kicked up I fell back and with the crest I finally caught up with Mark. This happened quite a few times! A few too many for me!

At the second food stop, limited but clean toilets, plenty of food and a chat with a man up from Glastonbury doing the ride.

Headed into the last third of the and the route got lumpier. I got less fast. If that was possible. Mark of course just floated.

Interestingly the traffic was so low there were very few issues. Most of the chaingangers were well behaved although the gel littering was a bit much.

Finally, 5 hours of riding, 5.30 elapsed we arrived back into the finish. Got handed our schwag (a medal, a mag and some bars). Got our free coffee (cake extra). Bit odd that after all the free cake the coffee was rationed and the cake paid!

For those who want to mock my pain (life is pain, highness. Anyone telling you otherwise is selling something, my Garmin data is here.

All in the route was well planned and quiet. The course was quiet compared to the London Cambridge and the ability level (present company excepted) higher. If anything the only thing missing was a more inclusive range of ages and sexes.  

I'd finally just like to thank all the people that sponsored me and raised over £300 for CAFT using justgiving

Je Défende

I don't pretend to be Émile Zola. Neither do I attempt to defend the indefensible. Here goes

 Anyone who thinks Top Gear is a car programme is sadly deluded. It's barely a magazine programme, pushing into almost a pastiche of itself. Gone are the halcyon days of William Woolard actually testing cars. It's entered the Harry Enfield "comedy scousers" territory. I don't want to get all Martin Niemöller  about it. Jeremy Clarkson is a very intelligent man. For many years he has had a go at women, gypsies, lorry drivers ("change gear, murder prostitute"), but this week, he appears to have tackled cyclists, with some less than pithy comments about paying road tax, an area so done to death I'll just give this link. The Mexican stereotype comment brings the usual silliness followed by people bolstering their careers by writing biting comments to the Guardian who are foolish enough to print it. Steve Coogan, I'm looking at YOU

My credentials. I've cycled ever since I was little. I have commuted for many years on a bike. My current commute is 100+ miles a week in winter (and a little further in summer). I use my bike for journeys up to 20 miles where I don't have to carry more than fits in a pannier or two. I rarely drive and when I do it's because I have to cover distances or take passengers. Whilst on the bike I've been knocked off, fallen off, been sent sprawling across bonnets, had other cyclists pull out on me, had people stop their cars in front of me and shout at me, cut me up, squeeze me into kerbs.

As a cyclist I wouldn't advocate any action against Clarkson and the rest of the Top Gear triumvirate, for this one reason:

If you believe that knocking a cyclist off his bike because of what Clarkson (or anyone else) said, 
you need to take a long hard look at your life. 

In the same way I wouldn't advocate banning horror films. If you think watching Slasher 47 or playing Grand Theft Auto is going to make someone recreate these scenes in the Home Counties then again, that person needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

During my time I've gone from actively fighting back to a cheery wave and calm argument. "You held me up for 1/4 mile. That's why I had to cut you up" (this was from a 50+ Mercedes driver with a broken taillight) I followed with a bit of maths as to how much time I'd delayed him for (22.5 seconds) "and really, did you HAVE to cut me up?".

Now the good news: most road users are good. Cyclists, cars, even lorries. Last week a bus driver from Go Whippet stayed behind me through a village where it was impossible to overtake. When it was safe to do he gave me a hugely wide berth and when I signalled my thanks, he waved back. It's not isolated and it helps.

• Cyclists have a part to play in this. You can't stop those who think 
• Bikes have no place on a road
  Bikes must always give way to cars, even though the car is behind 
• Bikes hold up cars
• I am more important than everyone else.

However what you can do to help me (because when I get cut up, I suddenly become ALL CYCLISTS and every misdemenour you make will be used against me as an excuse to perform some crackpot manouever all for the sake of 20 seconds of his life, or the rest of mine) is this

1. If it's dark, use adequate lights
2. Follow the rules of the road. We're not in Spain, red lights aren't advisories.
3. Watch out for pedestrians, children, animals. They can all make sudden movements
4. Read http://www.cyclecraft.co.uk/ and learn how to ride assertively.
5. Be courteous and polite to other road users. Signal good behaviour.
6. Be part of the traffic. Understand what's happening around you
7. Think ahead. Second guess the traffic ahead
8. Keep far enough away from car doors that if one opens, you're not going to hospital
9. Grin like a bastard
10. Enjoy yourself. You know you want to